This is particularly true if you are a working parent...

 

You get up at 6, or earlier, to get your children ready for school, fed, and overly snuggled, hugged, and kissed so they don't feel like you are as bad of a mother as you are convinced that you are.

 

You get yourself ready for work, trying somewhat to look presentable and like you at least had more than four hours of sleep. You leave with a silent prayer hoping that if nothing else, you at least match and you remembered to put mascara on both eyes this time.

 

You rush Child A to school, navigate your way through the car pool line and explain for the hundredth time the day's schedule and that no, she can't skip dance and no, she can't bring a friend home after school because we don't get home until after 7 most nights, and cheer up...only one week left of school. She slams the car door before she can hear you tell her you love her. You're convinced she doesn't know this, even though you tell her hundreds of times per day minimum.

 

You rush Child B to preschool, slowing down every time you see a DPS. You know your days are numbered until that ticket has your name on it. Again. And then you remember you still haven't gotten the registration done on the car. It's about three months past due. You realize you will never, ever have the time to do this. A pang of jealousy runs through you, thinking of your friends whose husbands do this dreaded task for them or for, really, anyone who actually has the time to get this done. (Cop just go ahead and write the ticket for speeding and expired registration....might as well.)

 

Child B doesn't want to go into the classroom. "Walk me in five steps Mommy." So we count to five. She grabs your leg...tight...tighter..... "OK, five more." The teacher gives you that stern "Remember Mommy we said no further than the cubbies. The children must learn to say good-bye to you." You think to yourself "but the other mommies don't have divorce guilt!!! Let me walk the whole ten steps would you damnit!!!" Then come the tears..."Why do you have to go to work? Take me with you! Please Mommy. You always go to work. Can you pick me up early today?" So you lie... "Of course I will." (Early is relative, right?) About 20 or so "one more" kiss and hugs later, you escape to the wails of "I waaannnttt my mommmmmm!!!!" in the background.

 

By this time, work has called at least twice and you have about a 45 minute commute left IF traffic is decent.

 

You get to work to discover more complaints about your work, extra work you weren't expecting, and about 27 voice mails. Hook up lap top. 60-something non spam emails. Here you go. You start to feel a little hungry and realize it's 3 p.m. Too late for lunch and it takes too much time to go anywhere. You suddently remember you haven't even gone to the bathroom yet. You overhear the girl in the next cube making travel arrangements with her husband for an upcoming beach vacation. "Bye honey. Love you." You try not to go find the nearest high balcony and jump.

 

It's dance day. This means three back-to-back lessons complete with three different outfit changes, plenty of "it has to be COLD mom" bottles of water, and ample snacks. It means leaving work early and risking falling behind in order to get Child A there on time. This also includes errands run at full speed -- dry cleaning, bank, gas, etc. You look longily at the nail salon thinking you'd give just about anything for one hour in a massage chair and a nice, pretty pedicure. Wake up, lady. It ain't happening now or anytime soon.

 

Child A is at dance. Go home and cram in one more hour or so of work before it's time to get Child B before late fees are charged. Child B remembers it's "date night." This is when you get your one on one time together whild Child A dances. You want to skip it but know this is her favorite night of the week. She chooses the restaurant and you go. It's the first time you've sat down and talked about something other than word count, cutting copy, photoshopping, etc. all day. You learn that Child B proposed to Ethan today on the slides and he told her no. She decides he was just having a bad day, so she'll ask him again tomorrow. You realize that a female's disillusionment about men starts at about age 4 now. Nice.

 

Time to get Child A. Rush back. Collect Child A. Realize that dance teacher says she gave you the dance recital tickets. You don't have them. She swears you do. You swear you don't. Dangit all! You shell out cash for more. It's easier and faster than looking for them and you forget so much these days anyway, you could actually be wrong. Child A is "staaarrrving....." because "you didn't pack me any snacks I like." You drive through Wendy's. Child B is jealous and wants some, too. She just ate. You don't argue. It's better to keep the peace.

 

Get home. Get homework done. Get bags packed for their weekend at their father's. Bath time. Breaking up fights. Manage to write two profiles and return all remaining work emails in between all of this. Clean up cat litter box. Empty all trash. Drag trash can to front of house for trash day. Water flowers that seem wilty already. Wave to neighbors and hope they don't feel like chatting because you don't have time, even though it would be nice to chat to someone you don't work with or didn't give birth to...just for a minute. Go back inside to primal screams. The kitty has scratched Child B. Child B then decides to choke the kitty. Child A starts crying saying that Child B is going to "kill her kitty." Child B cries because Child A is crying. Child A says she is also crying because you can't make it to field day tomorrow because "you always have to work!" You know you go to 90 percent of her stuff but miss one and it's "never!!!" You sit down and hug one; the other says "No me!" You try to hug both and they fight for your lap. You've gained about five pounds this year (damnit) but the lap still ain't that big. They're crying and fighting. You want to cry. No, scratch that. You just want to leave -- take a walk. Go get a Starbucks.

 

And here is the reason you should stay married..... It's not because of all of the above. That's Parenting 101.

 

You CAN'T go take a walk. You CAN'T get in the car and go for a quick drive and grab a Starbucks or a Diet Coke. You NEED a Starbucks because once you get them to bed, you have to stay up and finish a story long enough to fill five magazine pages and interesting enough to keep your clients happy and yourself employed. It could be 2 or even 3 before your head hits the pillow, only for the alarm to ring again at 6 and start all over.

 

See, when Child A and Child B are all snuggled in their jammies post bath and getting ready to drift off to sleep, you are still on duty. There is no "second in command." You can't run to the grocery store at 9 p.m. when you're out of milk. You can't run to the store to grab cough medicine for one child at 3 a.m. when the other is fast asleep. You can't clear you mind with a walk, a jog, or even a drive thru Starbucks for a latte to help keep you awake in order to finish "Cancer Care in Dallas" a day past it's due anyway. You are where your children are, always. There is no "second set of hands." There is no "I need to do ____ so can you give them a bath tonight?" There is no, "I have a splitting headache. Can you cook tonight?" There is just....no one. Two little people look straight to you and only you, at least during the times they are under your roof. (The one they still can't get used to living under, by the way...)

 

So there you have it. If you have young children, need to work late, and decide around 9 p.m. that you'd like a Starbucks to keep you awake or just need 15 minutes of alone time in order not to be on the 10 oclock news tomorrow night, then stay married. It's the only way you're going to get one. This is especially true if you decide to build a house in the middle of nowhere, where the nearest Starbucks is at minimum 15 minutes away.

 

I'm not sayin'....I'm just sayin'.