I have a week left of Christmas vacation. Have I mentioned before how much I love my job? We get Christmas Eve through January 4 off this year, and I couldn’t be more thrilled about this. So, as a departure from my usual deep thoughts about life and such I thought I’d blog about Christmas 08, so far.

Gifts to Myself

What can I say, I’m a giver…. And I really decided to go for it this year when I gave myself a pain in the neck, literally. It’s called Submental/Neck Liposuction. My plan is to be smoking hot at 40 so that it’s just a number and not a reminder that I’m 40 and have really screwed it all up. Which I have, but if I look good maybe I won’t notice so much. I don’t have an after photo yet because my head is wrapped in an ace bandage-like contraption  that goes around my chin and head. It is anything but attractive and comfortable, which is why I chose to have the procedure in the holidays. I can hide for the five required days and emerge only looking like someone has tried to choke me to death. This is the procedure, for the most part.

As we age, certain areas of the body can accumulate fat that is hard to lose, in spite of a healthy diet and vigorous exercise. The neck is one of those areas. Fat in the neck can detract from the appearance of the entire body, making a younger person seem older, or a fit person seem out of shape. Neck Liposuction can give this area a new streamlined contour, enhancing the effect of facial features and improving the profile. Neck liposuction produces consistently good results, and has a particularly high patient satisfaction rate. Performed as an outpatient procedure, the unwanted fat is gently removed by vacuum suction through very small incisions in hidden under the chin. This procedure is most successful in individuals that have good skin tone to the neck, allowing the skin to redrape nicely after fat removal, revealing a sleek new neck and jaw profile.

So basically I get a new profile and a sculpted neck for Christmas. I have decided against the entire body overhaul for now. First, of all, it’s insanely expensive and I have priorities. Second, the downtime is too consuming. I can’t imagine when I’ll have two to three complete weeks where I don’t have to drive, work, or really move at all. I don’t see it happening any time soon. It’s something that has to be carefully planned and thought out where I have lots of help and work squared and kids squared away. And winning the lottery would help. So in the meantime, I realized that the body overhaul is a great idea for the self-esteem but really, who the heck is seeing any of it but the plastic surgeons who keep marking me up during consultations, me, and the cat? Exactly. So I decided to start with what is visible all the time – my face. It’s something that has always bugged me. I have always, even as a kid, had this area under my chin that kept me from having a defined neck. My profile bugged me. I always stick my neck out in pictures to hide it. So I fixed it. If you decide to try this procedure, bring an Ipod. Otherwise, you can hear the entire procedure. And by that I mean, you can hear “inside” your head the device scraping against your jawbone. You can hear the slurpy sound of the canula sucking out all of your fat. Kind of like getting to the very end of a milkshake. (Hope you weren’t having lunch. Sorry.) Good times…good vain times. And now I look like one of those kids on Weird Science with this white bra-like contraption on my head. It itches. It bothers me. It’s ugly. But apparently, it’s the key to success, so I wear it. So, cheers to skinny necks and all that jazz.

Boots! If you’ve read my blog long enough you know I love a new pair of boots. Like my children, I love each pair in their own special way and refuse to play favorites. A few weeks ago, I was shopping with my daughters and my sister and we came across a cool pair of tall, low heel Army-type boots with a cool silver buckle. I admired them, but didn’t purchase them as I’m also known as Santa around these parts. My oldest daughter paid attention and did her own investigative reporting to learn my size and made sure to remember the name of the store. She apparently asked her father to take her to the mall so that she could buy her mommy a Christmas present. This girl has the biggest heart of anyone I know and is beyond kind and thoughtful. She is keenly aware of others and at age 7 prefers to put others before herself, which is basically unheard of. She made sure that she and her dad worked to get just the right boots for me. Granted, this is no longer his job. Not even close. I, too, made sure that she and her sister had presents for their dad on Christmas morning. I didn’t break the bank and honored their requests. They don’t understand that we don’t buy for each other anymore, and we are the only links to wallets they know of. I get the report just before Christmas that the price tag on the boots was more than $200. Clearly, this was beyond what he expected to pay so I paid him back. So I got the coolest boots ever from the coolest 7 year old daughter ever. Sort of. I wasn’t planning on paying $200 for boots in the height of going broke buying drum sets, Bratz, puzzles, Meebas, doll houses, and Nintendo DS games….but I guess I did. I may sleep in those boots tonight. I bet they’ll look smashing with my head bra contraption thing.

Special Lunch. Before Christmas, I got to have lunch with a very special friend and got two of the best Christmas gifts I’ve ever received – one to wear and another for my heart. A reminder that hope remains.

Help Me! Two days before Christmas, I realized there was no way I was going to get this drum set for my oldest put together. I was overwhelmed with all the wrapping, packing up for a trip to see the family, and lonely without my kids. So I accepted an offer for help and it turned out to be a really fun night of wrapping presents and sitting back drinking wine while I watched the drum set being put together (ha, ha). I made some appetizers and kept the wine and good movies going, and a night that would otherwise be frustrating and lonely turned out to be really great and rather sweet.

A Good Sign. When I chose my new neighborhood, I did so mostly for my kids. I wanted them to have the experience I had growing up where kids could play in their yards and safely ride bikes. We can walk to the community pool. It’s certainly not a place for a single girl to meet someone as it’s a family-oriented community but this isn’t about me; it’s all about them. So we’re here. I was told people are so friendly and you meet a new neighbor every time you walk outside. Really? Because I haven’t found this to be true. And then on Christmas Eve, the neighbors started coming by….bringing homemade cookies, leaving little ornament gifts in my mail box and cards on my door. I’m excited for warm weather so we can hang out outside and hopefully meet some cool people.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving. Excited about the prospect of a few days to myself to clean up the Christmas explosion and get some things organized, I went to bed on Friday night at my parents’ house ready to hit the road and get the kids to their dad’s so I could have some me-time. Around 2 a.m., the virus from hell hits. The youngest is down, and I’m drenched. I stay up with her until around 5 a.m. until she finally drifts off on her little bed of fresh towels I made for her. Load the girls up in the morning so we don’t “spread the love” to everyone else at the house and she keeps on giving and giving until we hit the Interstate. As we get closer to home, my oldest starts to feel bad. Turns out, she has the gift as well and ready to share. I guess we’re all givers around here. I’m sure I’m next. A lovely sight – getting sick in a head wrap and new boots. Merry Christmas indeed!

That Darn Cat! About a month ago, I got my oldest daughter a baby kitten. I still feel guilty about “sending her dog to a farm where he can run and play with other doggies” and she reminds me almost daily about how much she misses him, even though he was the  devil dog and she knew it. So I figured I could deal with a cat. They are low maintenance and she is a great kid and deserves a pet. The only thing she has ever really asked for is a pet. I went the goldfish and hermit crab routes – they are in fishy and crab heaven now. And she is ultra-sensitive and still mourns their passing, much to my amazement. So we have Coco the Cat. This is fine except I believe we now have the Devil Cat counterpart to the Devil Dog. When can I get this feline declawed anyway? And I am allergic to this “sweet” little kitty. So here I sit, typing this with (did I mention the big white bra/jockstrap contraction on my head) with puffy, watery eyes from the cat. Oh yeah, and cats stink. Moving on….

I Miss Ivonne. A lot. She was my cleaning lady for several years in my old life. My house really isn’t big enough now to warrant a cleaning lady, and I shouldn’t be spending extra money on something I can easily do myself. But I long for the days of coming home after work to that fresh scent of Pine Sol….clean wastebaskets….folded towels….shiny appliances….an organized fridge….and not a speck of dust in sight. Sigh…. How do I love thee, Ivonne, let me count the ways while I mop and cry. Point is, my house is a wreck post-Santa and I don’t want to clean it. So there.

Too Much. My car is loaded to the top with Christmas gifts, bags, and whatever else. My living room is full of toys, wrapping paper….There’s so much to put away and organize. Old toys need to be tossed. Clothes drawers need to be organized. Laundry needs to be done. It’s just too much. Plus my neck hurts. Yeah, that’s it. I can’t do anything because of my neck. Ahem.

Is It Wrong….. that I had two naps at my mom’s house, a nap today, pretty decent sleep last night and it’s 9:45 and I’m ready to go to sleep? Again? Because that’s what I’m about to do. I’m sure it’s because of the neck, too. Yeah, that’s it. The neck.

So…. A new neck. New boots. New people in my life. New memories….all mixed in with cat hair, a messy house, and a rampant stomach virus. This, friends, was Christmas 08..... so far.