You know those, to use a rather cliché term, “light bulb moments,” when the solution to something you’ve been struggling with just suddenly appears? Don’t you love those? I wonder, sometimes, if they’re answered prayers or maybe it’s just the reward for hard work spent thinking and working through something. I guess either way you look at it is fine because the end result is that feeling of relief—the opening to a path that you’ve been trying like hell to take but just couldn’t figure out how to remove the obstacles and take the first step.

I was fortunate enough to experience such a moment yesterday. I think part of it was due, in part, to a good therapy session. I haven’t been in awhile, so for a change, I was actually looking forward to it. I had a lot to talk about, and unlike most of my therapy sessions, this time I did talk. And talk. And he just sat back and let me do so without too much advice. I think talking through the struggles is actually what I needed. It’s like I came up with my own solutions with a little guidance.

Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t solve every problem in an hour but I did get rid of a major part of that twisted feeling I wrote about awhile back. The solution, amusingly, actually lies in something I do every day. I just need to apply the skill to my life, rather than an article.

Editing.

Certainly being an empathetic, giving person is a good thing in many ways, and I wouldn’t change that about me because I feel good when I can help others and be there for others. But lately I’ve noticed that the “yes factor” I have has been detrimental to my progress in moving forward. I get stuck and feel pulled downward by others’ problems and neediness. I get too wrapped up in situations that don’t have anything to do with what is—and should be—my priorities at this stage of my life. I complain that I can’t do it all. Well, no wonder. Because I’m inviting in too much “all.” I need to edit out the things that no longer make sense. Some of that will be learning to dismiss worries about people and things I cannot control. Life is going to move forward at full speed ahead, and all of the worrying in the world isn’t going to slow it down or change anything.  Just because I dwell on something doesn't mean the situation will change. The dwelling is what keeps me stuck, and that has to change. Key people in my life will continue to live their lives the way they want, despite my advice or offers to help. Other key people will continue to take advantage of my good nature simply because “that’s the way it’s always been” and the only way that will stop is if I say so.

And I say so.

When hashing everything out in therapy yesterday I said out loud, “I wish all of this would just stop.” And it occurred to me, nothing is happening “to” me. Things are just happening, and it’s how I deal with them that makes them either continue…or stop. I shared this realization with my therapist, and it turns out, I should have written myself the check yesterday. But with this realization comes the proverbial red pen. I have to edit some things out of my life in order for the story to read the way I want it to read. I have to set the priorities, decide what’s important, and hit ‘delete’ on the rest. And just like editing a story that you really like, it’s so much easier said than done. It starts with paying attention to how I feel. And then acting on it. If that situation, or dare I say it, person doesn’t help my “story” at all and doesn’t need to be there anymore, then it….him/her…needs to go.

Some of this editing will be for things that have needed to go for quite a long time. It will be hard to do this, for sure. So much of what needs to be cut are situations and people I’ve had in my life for awhile, and it’s going to hurt to slash through them with my almighty editing pen. But I firmly believe the story will read much better when I do. Things that take up my time that shouldn’t – gone. Things that don’t contribute to my overall goals and priorities in a positive way – gone. Things that drag me down with pointless worry – gone. Just because someone asks doesn’t mean I have to say ‘yes.’ I’m going to become more familiar with the word ‘no.’ I also need to learn to stop knocking on doors when it’s clear no one is going to answer. I have to edit myself as well. You see, just because I think something should be doesn’t necessarily make it so. And that’s a lesson that has been presented to me over and over, and I’ve refused to learn it. I’m stubborn that way, I guess. I have to edit this part about myself and also learn when to give up and move on. This goes for several things in my life, from work to friendships, old friendships, and relationships that have been launched and ultimately failed.

I also need to pay more attention to that inner voice—not the mean one I’ve referred to before. I have to learn to edit him out, of course. I mean the one that knows better. I’m sure you have one too. You can hear it, but don’t want to. But it’s the voice that will make editing so much easier by just listening and doing the work. I’m listening, and admittedly, I don’t like what I hear. But so far, she’s at about 100 percent so I’m being extremely quiet and still, letting her talk and taking her cues.

And this is where the big editing job of my life gets harder. Because as most writers know, editing can hurt. Getting that marked up story back stings. What you turned in, well, that’s what you want. That’s how you want the story to go, and the ending you think is best. So this editing job I have to do, it’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt me because I’m going to miss some of the people who get cut from the story. I can chop up the story all I want, but it’s impossible to forget the characters. That’s when the nagging pain will come, but I have to learn to overcome it. And then, my supposition, is that it will hurt others as well. They’re used to having me there, just as I am…old faithful. And even if I’m still there, well, it can’t be the same anymore. My routine has to change for this edited version of my life as well. Comfort zones that zapped my energy and attention and caused me to place focus on things that really don’t matter have to go, too. In their place, only things that do matter.

And that’s where I spent most of my evening—deciding what does matter. As my children make their Christmas wish lists, I made a list of what I’m keeping in my story…the things, situations, and people who are spared the red pen. Time wasters, energy zappers, emotional vacuums, financial drains, and anything or anyone that causes an overload of unnecessary worry…one by one I wrote them down and then ceremoniously crossed them off the list.

I woke up this morning and looked at the list to see how it made me feel after a surprisingly good night’s sleep. I felt relief and even a bit of anticipation knowing that once I get used to living like this—an edited version of my life—I will feel free in so many ways…emotionally, financially, spiritually. Hopefully the end result is that I will no longer spend my precious extra time on things that really don’t matter and instead be able to nurture and grow what does matter in my life, whether I have it now or have set a goal to have it. It’s a cleaner life, easier to navigate and understand. More fun to read. And that, my friends, is the very definition of successful editing.

Pen in hand….. ready.