Splat.

This is such a funny word. Whether you’re five or 50, just saying it out loud is a mild form of pathetic entertainment. Splat was On My Mind today, so I thought I’d write about it.

 

The year: 1993

The scene: University Plaza at Texas Tech University, Lubbock

The low down:

            Before I became engaged to the man I married but shouldn’t have married, I met a guy who could have potentially been someone with enough lure to help me break free of this bad situation. We met the week before Christmas break in college. We were at the hottest college bar in town—Midnight Rodeo. My gorgeous friend who always got free drinks and more offers to dance than anyone in else in the nation’s largest state was overlooked on that night. Yes, it was one night—but it was a fateful one. We locked eyes. We met. He bought me a beer. We danced all night. At last call, he reached up and grabbed a cardboard cutout of a candy cane and gave it to me. I kept it for months. In a Miller Lite haze, it was the sweetest gesture ever. We spent the next few weeks going out on dates here and there and spending time at his house, watching movies amidst the glow of his Charlie Brown-style Christmas tree. Nothing ever “happened” between the two of us, but I would stay so late that it would almost be sunlight by the time I got back to my apartment. It was just too hard for us to say good-bye every day.

            I can’t exactly remember what happened to us. I guess he, as they now say, “just wasn’t that into me.” The spring semester came and went. I never saw him at any local bars, and he stopped calling. Spring turned into summer, and summer into fall. I remember walking past the BA building, sometimes cutting straight through, in hopes of running into him. I eventually got back together with my boyfriend. Graduation came and went, and I eventually moved for my first job.

            I got a call from my friend who stayed back in Lubbock for her first job. She ran into this guy out one night, and supposedly, he had been asking about me. He wrote me a note on a cocktail napkin; she mailed it to me. In short, he wanted to see me. I called and we set up a time to meet up in Lubbock. He was living in a high-rise off campus dormitory called the University Plaza. It was pretty run down and old. In fact, it has sadly been torn down. I went out with friends to down some liquid courage before seeing him. We were supposed to meet in the lobby of the UP and then go out. I wanted him to see just how much he had missed. I mean, after all, I was now a professional. These were the Melrose Place days where short skirt business suits were the trend. I was going to make him wish he kept my number on speed dial way back when.

            It was dark. I definitely had more than my fair share of alcoholic treats for the night. I was in my friend’s car. She was going to wait for me until I gave her the green light that all was well. I primped one last time and decided to go for it. This guy was so cute—your popular all-American college boy type. My heart was racing. I had missed him, but I wasn’t going to let him know that. I remember walking a little crooked. It’s not the easiest thing to walk in a short skirt and heels after one too many. Well, that is unless you do that for a living, ahem.

            I see him walking toward me. Remember, it’s dark. I’m a bit tipsy. I pick up the pace and start to kind of run toward him as he has a huge smile on his face, and his arms are starting to open. This is going to be some reunion.

            Splat!

            Apparently, long distance hadn’t been the only thing separating us. So was a clear glass door. I ran straight into it. In fact, I hit it so hard that a goose bump started forming on my forehead right then and there. It hit it straight on, with force. Right in from him—the guy. All I can remember is looking up at his face. His expression was part amusement and part horror. He came through the door. I started laughing and crying at the same time. He said something about a group of people meeting up and did I want to join them….blah, blah, blah. I told him yes. I never showed up. I guess he didn’t care. Turns out, neither did I.

 

The Year: 1990-91

The Scene: The Carriage House Inn, Lubbock, Texas on New Year’s Eve

The low down: Two best friends trying to find some random place with cheap drinks to party

            I remember being dressed up in cream-colored pants, pretty much form-fitting, with a cream top. Today, this ensemble sounds horrible, but back then I thought I was looking mighty fine. This is when shoe boots were in. I had a new brown pair, never been worn. This club was authentic country and western. Real cowboys. Hard liquor. No light beer. Serious dancing. The first dance after midnight—just after the New Year—my best friend’s older brother asked me to dance.

            This guy was the most popular guy at our high school—all-star athlete, homecoming king…you name it. Although I thought of him as a brother, I was a little flustered that he asked me to dance. He was a great two-stepper. I think we were doing the Jitterbug when he whirled me around. Those new shoes—which I should have broken in but didn’t—had me sliding across the dance floor….on my stomach. I got up with a bruised ego, a red face, and black (not cream) outfit. It’s a good thing it was the end of the night so everyone could laugh it off and hopefully not remember. Clearly, I do!

            Yep, splat. Make that a very public splat.

 

The Year: 2006

The Scene: My backyard pool

The low down:

            Kids and hubby are otherwise occupied. I decided to have a little me-time, which is hard to find these days. I went through the entire effort of getting the kids settled in. I pull out my bathing suit, slather on some sun screen, and decide to float around the pool, drink in hand.

            I carefully balance the drink in the little cup holder. The water is icy cold so I ease my way onto the raft. I find the perfect sunny spot, flip down my shades, and start to feel the tension of the day melt away. There’s nothing like getting a little sun before Mexico.

            Splat!

            A bird apparently flew over and left a present for me….all over my leg and right foot. Of course I freak out and scream, resulting in me overturning the raft and spilling the drink into the pool. Bird flu anyone?

 

Yeah, splat….. funny word.

All weekend I have had the same thought drifting through my head....where does a year go?

 

Just two summers ago, I was newly pregnant with baby No. 2 on my 32nd birthday. Last summer, I turned 33 in our new house. The place was a wreck--contractors hadn't finished all of their work when we fired them...the pool was green...our furniture was stacked up in the garage with hundreds of boxes. I remember my parents came and took the kids--my first time away from the baby--and brought me a cake. We sang happy birthday, they left, and we went straight to work on the house.

 

On Friday, I turned 34. It doesn't seem like a year since we moved in. I keep feeling like the year flew by. What did I do? Did I accomlish anything?

 

Friday started out rather poorly, but ended up fabulous. Hubby had been the Hero and promised to get a pedicure (he actually likes them) with me, followed by lunch Uptown and then a movie. I got the girls to school and went to his office. He had a stressed and panicked look on his face because of work. I knew instantly he wasn't going. I tried to act ike I wasn't disappointed, but I was. Had I known I'd be alone, I would not have gone all the way Uptown and used gift certificate credit on this. Anyway, I head up the Tollway. I'm late. The snooty girls at the front aren't happy that I am late and that I didn't bring the other client. I figured they would charge me for his no-show, but they didn't. As it turns out, it was not a good pedicure. She didn't do any sort of massage, and it was over in about 30 minutes. I can go to the cheap places and be there an hour and walk out feeling relaxed and renewed.

 

I already had a restaurant in mind, but since hubby wasn't with me, I knew we'd probably just eat in our neighborhood. Nonetheless, I took advantage of it being "my day" and picked a place I really liked. Lunch was awesome. I wanted dessert in that I'm a firm believer that everyone should have something sweet on their birthday but he was "stuffed" so we didn't. We walked through some nearby shops and I found a pair of cute jeans at Ann Taylor. I have had a gift certificate there for almost a year and finally put it to good use. Then we went over to a new wine tasting place and tried a few new wines. I wasn't really in the mood for that, but it killed time until the movie. We went and saw The Break Up. I really liked it a lot. I knew going in not to expect to be a comedy. Sure, there were some laugh out loud moments but for the most part, I found it refreshing to watch a movie that showed some realistic sides to breaking up. I also liked the unpredictable ending.

 

Because my oldest was in gymnastics, we killed some more time just walking through shops and had a glass of wine. We picked up the girls and headed to our favorite mom and pop Italian restaurant for dinner. We came home and I ended the day by doing some laundry and straightening the house. I mean, a girl can't have too much fun now! I went out with the girls on Saturday night and they bought me dinner. We laughed a lot, caught up, and planned our good friend's baby shower. It was a fun night (with sweets!) and a great way to end the birthday. I was kind of bummed that some people forgot my birthday this year, but I guess after 34....you can't expect everyone to be sitting around waiting for the calendar to change just to wish you a happy birthday.

 

I couldn't help thinking, however, all weekend about how this year has flown by. A year ago, my baby wasn't even crawling. I still had a whole year left with my oldest before we even had to think about Kindergarten. I get this heavy feeling in my heart thinking about how all of our flexibility and free time are ending now that we'll be on "public school time." We could take off in the middle of October for Disney World -- and did. We left mid-week in May for Sea World. If I had a day off here or there, I'd keep Kate home with me just so we could have some fun. We take our time in the mornings now because it doesn't matter when she gets to pre-school. The closer August 9 nears, the more I feel a little tug at my heart. I also know that very soon, what her friends think will matter more than what I think. I know that she will want to spend her free time with friends and will be at various school activities. Our long and lazy days together doing nothing are coming to a close. I know it's part of life, but sometimes I feel like I just brought her home from the hospital.

 

I think back to the past year and realize that in truth, a lot of good things happened. I got a new title/promotion. I got a raise. I have become a lot closer to some new friends and have spent some really, really fun times with them. I have watched my parents complete their dream lake house. We paid off all of our new furniture and all of the home renovations in under a year. We went to Disneyland and Sea World and are on our way to Mexico, the wine country, and a girls getaway for a spa weekend. Hubby's business has grown and is doing well. I lost my baby weight! We've celebrated Pre-K graduation and applauded at karate belt tests and dance recitals. We've watched first steps and first words, and we witnessed the blowing out five candles on a fairy cake and one lone candle on a first cake. I started this blog in August and have come in contact with some really cool people. I have had the honor of watching the budding writing career of a fellow blogger-turned-friend and the relationship of two other blog buddies. I even found a "twinsie" and a real-world friend to share occasional lunch dates with.

 

Of course, I also lost the real hero in my life--my papa--but I got to tell him goodbye in person. I am so thankful for that and so grateful for all of the wonderful memories of him. So yes, good things have happened. It was a good year.

 

It's just that it went so fast! A lot of changes took place. I guess I get a little bit nervous when I look ahead, wondering what changes will take place in the next year. I hope they are equally as good or better, but I"m also realistic and know that life can throw some serious curveballs. I guess that's why it's so important to live in the moment and enjoy the here and now. Take lots of pictures to remember. Hug a lot. Laugh often. Notice "the moments." I need to remind myself to do that more often.

 

Right now, I feel anxious. Kind of antsy. My baby is down for the night, and the oldest says she needs more "wind down time." I think I am going to grab some bubbles and go in the backyard with her...stick our feet in the pool and have a bubble blowing contest---go make a moment.

 

I can't think of a better way to start 34.

 

'til next time...

 

 

 

I am bored. In honor of this boredom, I give you my 100 List....and then some.

 

1. I was born in a small town.

2. It’s called Denver City, Texas.

3. However, it is much, much larger than the town where I grew up.

4. It’s called Sundown, Texas.

5. The population sign says 1,500, but it’s probably more like 1,300, maybe even less.

6. My parents divorced when I was only 2.

7. Even so, I still remember them being married and our old house.

8. I have a very vivid memory of taking a drag off of my mom’s cigarette at that house.

9. That means I smoked my first cigarette as a toddler.

10. I don’t smoke today and haven’t smoked since college.

11. Except once…when I was getting a divorce. It helped. A lot.

12. I am actually glad my parents divorced.

13. I think I would have turned out much different if they had stayed together.

14. How? I would probably have been a nerd. Weird. Or a combination of the two.

15. When they were dating, I hated the man my mom eventually married.

16. They have been married for more than 20 years.

17. Now I love him.

18. I feel like I have two dads.

19. Sometimes that is a blessing; sometimes it’s a curse because I don’t know where to put my loyalty. I always have to buy two father's day gifts every year.

20. My real father walked me down the aisle on my first wedding.

21. My step-father walked me down the aisle on my second wedding.

22. Neither felt particularly emotional or natural.

23. I am not close with my mother, but I love her dearly.

24. We don’t even hug or say I love you.

25. The last time she said that she loved me was right before I walked down the aisle on my first wedding.

26. It sounded weird, but it made me cry.

27. My step-father says he loves me every time we hang up the phone or whenever I leave their house.

28. My husband and I didn’t tell each other that we loved each other for more than a year during a bad spell.

29. We had to practice it. It didn’t feel right at first.

30. Now we say it every once in awhile, and it feels normal.

31. The first house my mom lived in after she divorced my dad was so small and so old that dirt would blow in through the cracks of the house. We had to vacuum out the bathtub before every bath.

32. I remember being happy then. There were six of us. I have a step brother and step sister, a real sister, and a half sister. We're all pretty close.

33. When my mom married my step-dad when I was 7, I was sort of depressed. I liked the house being “girls only. I got used to it about the time I graduated from high school.

34. I married my high school sweetheart.

35. Sweetheart is not a word to describe him.

36. Although I dated him on and off from age 15 to 20, I secretly hoped he wouldn’t ask me to marry him.

37. Just before I graduated from college and thought I was going to get to “be on my own,” he proposed.

38. He proposed on a dirt road out in the country outside of Sundown. We were laying on the hood of my Ford Escort GT looking at the stars.

39. I knew it was going to happen.

40. I cried.

41. He thought I was crying because I was happy.

42. I said ‘yes’ and kept telling myself I’d find a way out of it.

43. I never did.

44. I got caught up in planning the wedding.

45. I still hoped that somehow, we’d break it off.

46. The night before our wedding, we lost his wedding ring (a family heirloom) at the rehearsal dinner.

47. It was a sign.

48. We got a in a huge argument.

49. The day of the wedding, I never heard from him.

50. I secretly hoped he had bailed.

51. One of my bridesmaids came over with 12 dozen long stem roses and a note saying, “See you at the altar.”

52. I realized this was it.

53. On the way to our honeymoon night—at The La Quinta in Lubbock, Texas—I cried when we passed my old dorm. I wanted to go back in time and have a do-over.

54. I remember he bought me a chicken sandwich from Denny’s and I ate it in the hotel room, still in my dress.

55. The morning after the wedding, I woke up and realized that this was for real. I cried in the shower.

56. We honeymooned in a log cabin in Wyoming. I cooked every meal and froze my ass off. Our biggest splurge was a chicken fried steak dinner. The jeep broke down every day.

57. He was in Heaven.

58. We divorced after two years of marriage.

59. It was the bravest moment of my life. Someday, in a blog, I’ll explain why.

60. He was 6’5 and an Army Ranger Paratrooper. He was scary. I am 5'2.

I married my second husband, a college boyfriend, two years after my divorce.

61. We dated almost from the time I was legally divorced.

62. One of my biggest regrets is not being on my own, living on my own for real, and dating around.

63. I was pregnant with our first child just eight months after we married.

64. As much as I love her and wouldn’t change a thing, I sometimes wish we would have waited a little longer before we had kids.

65. We separated and almost divorced two years into the marriage.

66. I even had a deposit on a gross two-bedroom duplex.

67. I managed to get a grip on reality, we went to counseling, and we worked it out.

68. We attribute much of the success to home renovations. It forced us to talk again and be involved in something together.

69. We never resolved all of our issues, but that's OK. Things are much, much better. I don't take everything so seriously anymore.

70. I hate fighting. Hardly any issue is worth the effort and the tears.

71. I will say I’m sorry, even when I’m not, to end a fight.

72. He knows it, and probably doesn't like it. But that's usually how it winds up.

73. I love my husband, and he loves me. Still, I always wonder and second-guess if he loves me like I'm the only one in the world for him. Am I replaceable?

74. He says no, but I still wonder sometimes.

75. I don't think I really know or understand what it means to be unconditionally loved and cherished by a man.

76. I would say the top issue I have with my husband is his selfishness.

77. I realize I’m not the only one in the world who feels this way. Most men are selfish.

78. I would rather keep the peace and try everything possible to keep our family together and our lifestyle the way it is than to argue over who is the better spouse. Therefore, I often give more than I receive.

79. This arrangement seems to work for us.

80. We’re friends…very good friends. I think this is what "make us work."

81. I have never really liked sex all that much.

82. The last time I can really remember liking it was 1998.

83. I was married in 1999.

84. My friends say I’m missing out; I’m OK with it.

85. I try to stay away from romantic movies.

86. They make me think too much.

87. I have had the same best friend since I was in high school. We were both pretty popular...cheerleaders. I was voted Best Dressed, Most Beautiful, and Most Likely to Succeed as a senior. I was also Homecoming Queen. All of that is such B.S.

88. I’m pretty sure my best friend and I will be best friends forever.

89. We still talk almost every day.

90. I am closer to my sister than anyone else.

91. We don’t talk every day, but we know each other inside and out.

92. We look eerily alike, but she’s 19 months younger.

93. I have always been jealous of her.

94. She’s prettier and thinner. My husband says he thinks I’m prettier.

95. She has always been better at most everything.

96. She is divorced, too.

97. I have lost at least three boyfriends to her.

98. I’m still pissed about that.

99. She says she wants what I have – a happy marriage with kids…house… the whole deal. It just goes to show that everyone thinks the grass is always greener. I envy her free, single lifestyle.

100. My husband and I struggled for more than a year to get pregnant with our second child.

101. I was certain I was having a boy.

102. Her name is Olivia Noelle. Her older sister is Katherine Rose.

103. They are the absolute most important partsof my life. I can’t imagine life without them. I love being a mother. I think they are beautiful inside and out. Perfect.

104. Losing them or something bad happening to them is my greatest fear. It keeps me up worrying about it.

105. I learned that when you have children, you finally understand what the term “I’d die for him/her” means.

106. I always wanted two girls.

107. Sometimes I think I might like to have one more child.

108. But why mess around with perfection?

109. I am content with a family of four.

110. My first job was as an education reporter for $7.25 an hour.

111. My second job was as a features reporter for $7.50 an hour.

112. My first job ever was as a waitress for Pizza Hut making about $3.50 per hour. My first tip was .50 cents.

113. The manager  at Pizza Hut who hired me told me at a party, when he was drunk, that he hired me because I was pretty. I was flattered.

114. I took a job in college as a waitress for a restaurant called Orlando’s. The boss told me later in the backroom that he hired me and another girl because we had “sweet asses.”

I quit the next day.

115. I don’t like eating at chain restaurants very much.

116. My favorite places are mom and pop restaurants that are BYOB.

117. I want to lose weight—about 10 pounds.

118. I am getting really serious about it.

119. I am about to turn 34. The only reason I don’t like that is because the next one is 35.

120. Then I am on the downhill slide to 40.

121. I am not ready to be 40. At all.

122. I don’t think I am a very good writer. I think I am a good copywriter. There is a difference.

123. I think I’m getting better at writing though.

124. I don’t like kissing.

125. I used to like it, but now, it bothers me. I don’t know why.

126. I wish I would have stuck with piano lessons.

127. I wish I would have pursued something with singing.

128. I wish I wouldn’t have cared so much about what people thought in high school.

129. I wish I would have jumped into college life more in the beginning.

130. I didn’t really start having fun until about my junior year.

131. The whole college experience didn’t last long enough. I wish I would have been there one more year. It probably would have changed everything.

132. College was the most fun time of my life. I miss it. I miss my college friends.

133. I miss dancing.

134. I love my job.

135. I’m scared all of the time about losing it, and do everything I can not to.

136. I need to get back into church and more involved in activities and Bible studies again.

137. I can feel a part of me missing that and needing it.

138. I wish my husband would take a more active role in helping with the kids so I could things like that.

139. Summer nights always make me think back to high school and college summers, and how free I felt…how I had the world at my feet and every opportunity.

140. I regret not taking more of those opportunities and cutting my early, single adulthood short by marrying a jerk at 22.

141. We lived an Army lifestyle for about a year.

142. I hated every day of it. I still have nightmares.

143. I have nightmares of my ex husband all the time. I always dream he has found me and he’s coming away to take me away from my new life that I love and back to the old, awful one with him.

144. I have no idea where he is. I haven’t spoken to him since about a month before our divorce was final. Even though I have no feelings for him at all, I often wonder how he is doing. I find it strange to love someone since I was 15 and then one day, stop. That's exactly what happened. Of course, his abuse didn't help matters any. I was full of bruises--outside and inside.

145. I was the only one present at the divorce hearing.

146. I cried a little bit—mostly because of regrets. I was terrified walking to my car. I thought he would be waiting for me. It's the only time I've ever been afraid of being kidnapped or killed.

147. I have two huge regrets—marrying him and another one that I won’t discuss.

148. But I think about that regret almost every day and partly hate myself for it.

149. For the most part, I think I am a normal, average person with a really happy life. The good and bad have made me who I am. I'm learning to be OK with that.

150. I think this list is quite long enough now. If you have made it to this point, you must be more bored that I am right now.

I love that this my blog and mine alone and that I can write about whatever is On My Mind.

 

I have had the most trivial thing on my mind today. When not thinking about kids, family, work, or the to-do list, I thought about....

 

Nick and Jessica.

 

I can't help myself. It's sad. Pathetic. There is a war going on; people in the world are starving; there are diseases to cure. And here I sit, pondering the broken relationship of a Hollywood couple I don't know, nor will ever know. I guess you could say that this divorce is somewhat "local news," since Jessica is from the Dallas area. In fact, she went to the same high school as my husband...much, much later on in life.

 

As much as I try to tell myself how ridiculous this is, I can't help but be a little bit sad. In the beginning, I think I was enamored by their wedding. If I could conjure up a dream wedding, that would probably be it. The ceremony was in Texas, about three hours south of where I live. She looked beautiful. I liked that she looked like a bride, innocent. A lot of Hollywood brides go for the shocking stripper-bride look. She looked the way I'd want one of my daughters to look on her wedding day.

 

My favorite part of the video is the look on his face when she is walking down the aisle. It's the look I could only dream and hope my husband would have when I walked down the aisle. I've been down an aisle twice. I sort of remember seeing my husband-to-be's face, but it didn't look like that. Of course, I didn't look like her, either. I love the way he looked at her when he said "I do." It literally takes my breath away every time I watch it. And the Newlyweds theme song--it was made for a fairytale wedding.

 

Then there is Nick in general. There is a blog tag going around about describing your perfect man. He pretty much, from what I can tell, fits the bill. Tough, yet sensitive. On the Newlyweds show, he always wanted to do a job himself, even though he could afford to pay someone else. He was strong; he protected her. But he also sang to her and planned candlelit dinners and special birthdays and anniversaries..... He, at least on the show, always appeared to be thinking of her. Also, he seemed quite annoyed by her at times, but hey, they were married. Enough said there.

 

I just like that he didn't come from much, followed a dream, became a star, but stayed himself. I didn't know much about him outside of his relationship with Jessica until the past two days. Two days ago, he was on my favorite morning radio show. He was real. Honest. Open. Last night I couldn't sleep and watched the Behind the Music special on him. I know how easy it is to trash someone in the midst of a divorce. He refused to utter one bad word about her or the situation. He is broken-hearted. You can see it all over his face. It's in his words, and it's in almost every song on his new album. I have listened to his music before, and I have to say that I have never much cared for it. However, every time his new single comes on, I turn it up. And then I get sad.

 

Why does it matter to me? I feel sad for him. I feel mad at her. I feel mad at her dad for controlling her as well as their relationship. I want to shake her and ask her how in the world she thinks she can do better? Then I laugh at myself and realize I have no idea what went on inside the walls of their mansion. What do I know? Nothing, that's what. Maybe it's just that because I saw their marriage played out on television that I feel like I know them. It was nice to see a Hollywood couple that was really in love and who tried to take the normal route. They were funny, cute, and endearing. They were real, at least until the end when she became so famous. I guess like any marriage, it was sad to see a dream die.

 

I am hoping that by writing this blog, I can just get this out of my system. I meam, for crying out loud, he was vacationing with a hottie in Cabo just two weeks ago. I mean, maybe he's hurting deep inside but he is most certainly filling his time. And his album is taking off...finally. Still, my heart just broke when he talked about her and reminisced about their relationship. Hollywood types always seem fake when they talk about their lives--he was genuine. I'm definitely Team Nick.

 

The last picture I saw of Jessica, she was obviously drunk, with her lipstick smeared and tilting back a vodka bottle in her mouth. It was Klassy with a capital K. Guess she's trying to keep up with her old nemisis, Brittney.

 

Again, here I go. Why do I care? I have a million other things I should be doing.

 

I need something else to think about. OK, free association......

 

Bathtime for Kate

Hubby gets home tonight -- hide father's day gift

Credit card bill is on it's way. Find box of Kleenex for cry-fest.

Freelance story. Due soon. Hurry. Faster.

Fold laundry tonight

Finish watching Entourage

Go get the mail

 

Yeah, that ought to do it, well at least until I turn on the E Channel or walk by People Magazine in the grocery store.

 

Ooooohhh....and speaking of that, have you seen the cover yet with Brangelina's baby?

 

Here I go again........

 

til next time.....

One of the best titles for a blog I've seen, well, maybe ever came from Cori's  site:  Pocket Lint.

 

She mentioned it was useless and pointless. True. Therefore, I decided to go with her creative title for my own blog, which is going to be pretty pointless. Mostly because not much is happening in my world right now. To make it more interesting, I decided to play with these nutty emoticons. Ok, I'm a little bored.

 

But you know what I have to say about that?

 

It's about freakin' time!

 

I looked at the editorial calendar today....that's the calendar that has the stories we know we'll be doing for the year (many get added but these are the for-sure ones). My workload has dramatically calmed down. It's more normal -- like a real 9 to 5 job. I have manageable stories and deadlines and no profiles for awhile. Profiles are what consume most of my time. I love the cash from them, but they are extremely time-consuming. It's nice to be able to catch up and do things at my desk like, oh say.... refill my stapler, file about a million papers, clean out my deleted file and free up my server, organize vendor invoices, and (gasp!) even work ahead. I am so happy about this.

 

I still have my freelance project ahead of me. It's a fun project, but one that takes a lot of research work on the Internet and heavy phone work. I need to carve out time and make myself do it, in that it's due in a week and a half. Yikes.

 

Hubby is out of town for a few days. I didn't feel well today and went home a bit early. It's a long story, and one that is even more boring than this blog, so I'll spare you. Anyway, I got up to get the kids after I felt a little better and realized that I didn't want to cook. At all. So we went to a pizza buffet. The kids acted really great and ate well. It was nice to not have a meltdown when it's just me. It's two against one when he's not with us, so I worry at restaurants sometimes. It was nice to come home and not have to wonder what to make and then clean it up. Just got the baby to bed and my oldest is watching her shows while I "clean up for the housekeeper" lol. Soooooo glad tomorrow is house cleaning day. With all of the company we've had lately, it will be nice to get everything back in order and come home to a fresh house tomorrow after work. Yea!

 

My MIL is having a garage sales on Saturday. I am going to go through every room and every closet and pull stuff to contribute. Maybe we can make a little vacation spending money. I hope so. I really can't sell kid stuff. All of it will be hand me downs, but I have a few other household things I'd be more than happy to see go. I love clearing stuff out. It's such a great feeling. I hesitated giving an RSVP to yet another birthday party on Saturday but it's in the lunch hour and well--the kids have to eat right? So that will take care of that and give them some time to run around and get tired. It's a Chuck E Cheese's. That place just kills me. I leave with a migraine and a vow to never return every time. But my kids love it so much. So alas....we always wind up there again somehow, usually with a birthday gift in hand.

 

My parents returned safely from their trip to The Holy Land. They were so tired that I didn't get to hear much about it, but it sounded really awesome. However, the average temp there EVERY DAY was 110.  I cannot even imagine it. My mom lost five pounds because she couldn't tolerate the food. Maybe I should go there to drop this 10 I've been carrying around. Hmmmm......

 

Speaking of traveling, I heard the immigration laws are changing and that we won't be allowed to go to Mexico, Bahamas, etc without a valid passport. Mine has long expired and hubby's just expired. That dawned on me last week. Thankfully, I looked it up and the law goes into effect on Dec. 31 so we can use our birth certificates and DL's one last time. Whew! So I look around for the safety box deposit key. Can't find it anywhere. I turn the house upside down and look in all of the obvious places. Gone. I don't have the time to keep looking so I paid $100 to have a guy drill into the box so I can get my documents. Needless to say, I am NOT going to lose these new keys. However, I did find my "lost" Tiffany bracelet so hey....... is that even?

 

I am so ready for this month to be over so that we can pay off big bills that are facing us. Vacation charges, house insurance.... big things that just sit in front of us like a big boulder that needs to be shoved aside. Quarterly tax payment. Blech. All the stuff you hate to pay for. I am so ready to get back into the savings groove. We passed on the kitchen table. We are just going to recover our chairs to give it a fresh look and save a lot of money. The right table at the right time will come along. All it's used for anymore anyway is coloring and playdough! I mean.... food? A meal? OK, maybe take-out makes its way to the table now and again.

 

Speaking of food and take-out, now that my workload has evened up, I need to re-introduce myself to the kitchen. I'm not going to kill myself every night with gourmet meals but I am going to try to save some money by cooking in more and save some calories by preparing healthy dinners. It's an obvious choice. No wonder my kids don't like vegetables...the hardly know what they are!

 

I can tell that the let-up of my workload has had a profound effect on my mood. I have more energy am generally happier. I have more patience with the kids. I was at a real breaking point there. It's nice to "come back." In the past few weeks, my baby has said

 

Ducky

No

Uh-huh

More

Waffle

Night Night

Bye

There she is (thershis)

Juice

Go

Puppy

Up

Tickle

Elmo

Baby

Cracker

.....and she learned how to give a kiss. And it's about the cutest thing I've ever seen. Any question you ask her though, the answer is "no!" Even if it's a good question! Pretty funny. And she has discovered that she absolutely loves the pool. We were in the pool every day this weekend, and it was a blast. Except for when my hubby snaked my margarita while I went inside for a minute.

 

Well, the clock says it's time to put the oldest to bed. I have laundry to fold, a dishwasher to unload, mail to sort, and a new favorite show (Entourage) TIVO'd.

 

Oh, and I need to go stare at the calendar again and count down the days to Cabo....

 

See, told ya..... pocket lint. Can't say I didn't warn ya.

 

..... Almost forgot....The best thing? I got the COOLEST THING EVER in the mail today, and I'll never, ever be able to thank the friend who sent it enough!

 

OH, BY THE WAY...... GO MAVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bring it!!!!!!!!!

 

Til next time......

Scene: Five-year-old girl's birthday party. Strawberry Shortcake theme. It's at a gym. Kids are going nuts, running around everywhere.

 

Me: I am in the "parent's room" chasing around the baby and visiting with other moms. I'm trying to get to know them because, for the most part, these are moms of girls who will be in Kindergarten next year with my oldest daughter.

 

Situation: I have been working out more lately, eating better, and even getting some sun. I was sort of having an "I feel cute day."

 

The Crime: My oldest daughter, high on sugar and elated to be having the time of her life with some new girlfriends, runs up and gives me a big hug and kind of kisses me on the stomach, sort of where her head goes to. She says, out loud in front of all the parents....

 

"I love you Mommy! And your tummy looks like it has another baby in it!"

 

The Reaction:  I know these moms can relate. They are part laughing inside and part grateful that THIS TIME, it wasn't them. I am red. I can feel it. I try to suck it in, all the while thinking, Do I REALLY?!

 

Husband: After the criminal runs off to play, I ask hubby, "Does it really look like I'm pregnant?" And I give him a nice side view. I can think of a million, maybe more, right answers he could say.....

 

He says:  "Well, I wouldn't say pregnant. But I sort of see something there. Maybe it's just the shirt or something."'

 

Clearly, the wrong answer.

 

The only person I like in my family today is the baby.....And that's because she can't talk. But wait a minute, isn't this "problem" her fault? Yeah, so scratch that.

 

Off I go..... Time to take my pregnant-looking self into the bedroom-turned-home gym for some apparently much-needed time on the elliptical and sit-up machine.

 

Dammit.

Have I mentioned that I have been working like crazy lately? I'm sure I have. I mean, work has consumed my life for the past month. I feel like I, sadly, don't talk about anything else. (Mental note: change that.)

 

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel -- well, sort of. I have a freelance project left, but my "real job" is getting somewhat back to normal. At least for a little while.

 

To celebrate, I decided to take a day off. I had planned for today to be Jennifer Day. I was going to do whatever the hell I pleased.

 

My oldest daughter creeps into our room earlier than usual. She tells me she has a sore throat and that she isn't "feeling her best." I know it's just allergies, but I remember how I said that I wanted to spend some alone time with her before Kindergarten. So I decided instead that it would be a Mommy and Kate day. Call it Working Mom's Guilt. Her sore throat seemed much better all of the sudden.

 

We get up and get dressed. She decides she wants to "look like Mommy," so we both wore skirts and flip flops. And I did her hair in a half ponytail like mine. She was quite pleased. We drop the baby off with her sitter, and we're off.

 

First stop was breakfast at a "girly" type of restaurant. We split a pastry and shared a side order of bacon. She happily colored a picture while I sipped my cappuccino. At her request, we sat on a patio table. It was nice watching the busy world go by and not be a part of it for once.

 

We headed over to a shopping center that I have always wanted to spend more time at than just dashing in for an errand or two. It's more of an outdoor type of environment where you walk along a street with stores flanking you on both sides. I finally had time to shop all of the boutiques I have always intended on visiting but never had the time for. The first store was fun. It was kind of a folksy, eclectic store--the kind that sells a little bit of everything. I found a cute skirt and necklace, and Kate charmed the sales guy so much that he gave her a free bracelet. Man, are we in for it one of these days. We head across the street and I found the cutest pair of flip flops EVER. Score.

 

Kate decided she needed a drink so we popped into a cafe for an ice tea and lemonade, again watching the busy lunch crowd. I was glad to not be a part of it. Kate entertained me with stories of tornadoes. Apparently, one friend says tornadoes start when "hot and cold mix." Two boys argued that's not true: Tornadoes start when you spin around really fast. Says Kate, "But I believe my other friend because one, she's a girl, and because two, I can spin around really fast and a tornado has never happened."

 

Ah, the wisdom of a five-year-old.

 

We had a 1:40 movie to catch--Over the Hedge. We still had some time to kill so we dropped off film (I had five rolls since before our vacation) and dropped off my dry cleaning (17 pieces.) Clearly, I haven't had much time for errands. We got part of hubby's father's day gift squared away (I can't say yet, in case he reads this.) Then we went to one of my favorite antique malls. I always find something here. This time was no different. I have been wanting a new kitchen table for a long time. I have been looking around, and they are either too big, too small, too flimsy, or way too expensive. Mostly, they aren't what I want. Today, I found what I want. If I could have one made, this would be it. And it's relatively affordable. But we're in a savings mode. Hubby wants to take a look at it. We'll see what happens. Either way, I'm fine. At least now I know what I want.

 

Time for the movie. This is a theater where you can eat lunch/dinner while watching the movie. I have quesadillas and a Chardonnay and Kate has her favorite -- cheese pizza. The movie is actually really good. It sort of made fun of suburbia, and for all of the right reasons. Kate loved it. We actually laughed out loud a lot, but my favorite part is when she reached out to hold my hand and leaned her head on my shoulder. I know those days are numbered. One of these days, I'll be dropping her off at the movies with her friends. She'll be going to movies with boys. I tried to take a mental picture to always remember what a sweet time this is.

 

It was 100 degrees today. Hot as hell, actually. We decide a dip in the pool is in order, so we rushed home and put on our suits. I soaked up some sun while Kate played and swam. We were about to go pick up the baby when hubby called and said he'd get her on his way home. I think we were both kind of glad to have just a little more time to ourselves. As much as we both love Liv, it's been awhile since it was just the two of us. Kate is such a great kid, and I thoroughly enjoyed having her with me today. In fact, I think it was a blessing that she didn't "feel her best" today because that meant I got to have the best company in the world on my day off.

 

When hubby and the baby got home, we ate a quick dinner. He had to head out to his Friday night softball game. I packed the kids up and we followed him. Kate found her friends and they played Groovy Girls in the shade while I chatted with moms and chased Liv around. When the game was over (they lost), everyone headed to a corner to have some beer and talk. I stayed for a bit but had to get the baby home. Hubby and Kate stayed back so she could play some more with her friends.

 

I just put the baby down for bed. She held up her blanket (one with a little duck head) and put it next to my face and said clear as a bell, "Ducky....awwww.." Because that's what we always say to her. And then she said, "Night night...no, no." She knew what was coming. However, she was so tired, she quickly drifted off. I can't believe how much she knows now and how much she can say!

 

Now I'm alone in the house, at my laptop with a cold glass of iced tea. It's quiet. I am rested. Relaxed. At ease and at peace. This is the first time I've felt this way in a really long time. It's amazing what just one day "away from it all" can do. I haven't had a real vacation in over three years. I can't imagine how great I'll feel once we are in Mexico next month! The best part? This is a "dead" weekend. There is no one coming over. Nowhere we have to be. No dance recitals. No birthday parties. No play dates. No commitments. It's wide open.

 

"Nothing" sure is something.

 

.....til next time.....

On one of my lists on this blog, I mention that a "favorite" of mine is a "good song taking me back."

 

As I was sitting in the office paying bills and crying over an empty checking account, I hear the background noise of our television as hubby is watching some kind of salute to rock n roll show. Most of the bands, if not all, were hot in the 80s. If you've read my blog for any amount of time, you know that I am a huge 80s hard rock/metal fan.

 

Anyway, Def Leppard was playing and there was a collage type of tribute, with songs from the Pyromania album featured. The minute I heard the first few notes, it felt like I literally went back and time. Here's the scene:

 

I'm  riding around in my first "real boyfriend's" truck, cruising Main. We always rode around in the "we're so cool and in love" position. You know the one....the girl sits RIGHT beside the guy as he drives around. He can barely, if at all, get both hands on the wheel because you are so right up on him.

 

When I hear songs from that album, I instantly get that butterfly feeling of being 16 and in love for the first time. That feeling of running out the door when he pulls up, so glad to be free of your house and your parents and determined to make the best of the four or so hours you have until curfew. You can't wait for him to kiss you. You wonder "how far you'll go" when and if you "go parking." You can't wait to hit the drag and "see who's out." Fresh out the shower, you have on your cutest summer outfit. You're tan. Your permed hair is "out to there and up to here" and won't even budge thanks to about half a bottle of Stiff Stuff. You doused yourself in Liz Claiborne perfume, and your outfit is complete with your new white Keds. It's summer. You're dating someone you've had a crush on all year. Life is good. Def Leppard is the band of the moment, and your song is titled, appropriately, "Love Bites"  as you are the couple in school with most drama--serious highs and even more serious lows. In a small town, everyone....everyone....was there to witness them.

 

Sure, the two of you cruise around all night listening to the faster songs on the album as they blare out of the open windows. But toward the end, when it's just you against the clock on your parents' mantel as they wait to see if you'll make it on time, you slow it down and listen to your song. Why is that kissing when you're a teen-ager is so much more fun that it is when you've been married for six years?

 

Anyway, that entire Pyromania album always takes me back to that time and place. I can still smell the scent of the summer air....picture it all in mind. It's like I'm RIGHT THERE. And there are probably hundreds of other songs that do the same thing--take me right back to a time and place. It even happens now with my kids. There is a lullaby CD that we used to help calm Kate during those first few months after she was born. It's what I used to train her to sleep in her own bed. If I hear that now, I can remember that first house we lived in, her picture-perfect nursery, and I get a nervous feeling of being anxious, wishing she'd sleep through the night so I can get some rest. I also get nostaligic for that feeling of having her in my arms as a tiny baby. She certainly isn't a baby anymore.

 

When I hear Frank Sinatra's All The Way, I go straight back to dating my husband and our wedding. We were trying to pick out a song for our first dance, in that we really never had "a song." He played that for me one night and sang it really silly, kind of a karaoke drunk. It was hilarious. I loved it. We had a song, and we did dance to it at our reception.

 

I love it when a good song takes me back. Some love songs take me back to being a pre-teen in my room, listening to dedications on my jam box (remember when we called them that) and thinking about my crush of the moment. School dances. (Take My Breath Away.... or Madonna's Crazy for You).

 

So I'm just wondering... what song takes you back? What makes you, even if just for a moment, feel like you are right back there again reliving it?

 

......ahhh....the memories.

 

'til next time......