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February 02 Rewind.180436
This is the number of views I've received on this blog, to date, since I started it in late 05. Unreal. I would have never imagined it. Naturally, I thank Kenny for 95 percent of it!
Still, I remain in awe that so many people took time out of their busy lives to read my words. Moreover, I am stunned at how many people took time to leave comments -- inspiration, funny thoughts, kind words, good vibes, and prayers. The human spirit will never cease to amaze me. The Internet can and is used for evil in so many ways, but it also serves a very basic purpose--a way for people to connect, share, and realize that as different as we all are, we are still very much the same in many important ways.
I have come to care about your stories and lives--genuinely care--and I have made what I hope, are lifelong friends. In fact, I met two blog dorks in the real world and I cherish our friendships and lunch dates. I am so glad that you have paused, just for a bit, to let me know that you also care about my life.
I am so thankful I have this outlet.... I write for a living, true, but it's not the same as just writing to write....letting it all out, learning who you are from your own words, the ability to express your soul in the written word when spoken words fail you. I found a way to do that here. And better, it's not a diary I close at the end of the day, wondering if anyone will ever find it and get to see the real me. It's something I had the guts to throw out into the universe--would anyone like it? Would they even care? I was ready for criticism, or worse, nothing at all. But instead, I found a community of people who are all interested in and passionate about the same thing--life! Living! Caring.....just being. It's nice to unplug every day to catch up on your stories, see what's new, laugh at some of the crazies out there, and share in your joys and sorrows. I will continue to do so.
I have never been able to make this blog private because it would be nearly impossible for me to keep up with requests, email addresses, etc. It just didn't seem right. I mean, if I was going to go for it -- then I was going to go for it. I've never wanted to censor myself either, or else this blog would lose its point--which is to be honest, real---even when I don't like facing certain things I work out on these pages. So I write what's On My Mind Right Now--the good, bad, and the ugly. But people in my "real world" everyday life read this blog, too. And even when I'm being honest, that doesn't mean what I say is always nice or fair. Feelings have been hurt, and I feel bad about that. I have put personal information out there when I probably shouldn't have.
I want to hit delete, but I won't yet. I just don't know which direction I'll take yet. I could go with more "memory blogs." I could go with funny stories. I could go with the standard "what I had for breakfast." I could just go private--and that is a real possibility....... I am pondering it. And for anyone reading this who has been negatively affected by my words and negative comments about you from strangers who don't know you, I'm sorry. I never felt right deleting comments -- it's kind of the way blogging goes -- but I also didn't pay that much attention to them. My apologies for hurting you and for causing any fear or concern about your "real world" safety. It was never my intent.
So as I ponder "what's next" for "what's on my mind" just know that I am thankful for all 180,000-ish views....every comment....every good thought you have sent my way. Thank you for reading what I write! It is truly a life dream come true to know that there are people out there who look forward to what I have to say next....who make my jottings part of their daily ritual. I am honored. I love reading your words, too. I feel more "human" -- more "alive."
I have hit rewind and delete on teh past six or so months of my life--no need for all of that to be aired out for the world to see. I kept the old benign stuff! I fear I have made my spouse look like a bad guy, when indeed he is not. Problems -- yes..... but he is not a bad person and he is trying to do the right thing. He has even admitted to some of his shortcomings. I realized I haven't shown a spotlight on that, and should have. I am doing fine and life is nicely progressing.
So for now, I still have my voice.....I still have a place to use it.....
I just haven't exactly figured out how yet. I haven't figured out "how" on a lot of things.......
But I will. Stay tuned. |
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